While working to help the victims of the South Asian earthquake, Samina Faheem who is on the board of Multifaith Voices for Peace and Justice and is the head of American Muslim Voice, is also grieving the loss of her beloved mother.

Nasim Akhper Malik died in her home in Pakistan after a long struggle with cancer on November 14th.

Samina will fly to Pakistan after the [http://www.amuslimvoice.org/html/body_light_the_night.html;November 22nd vigil].

Samina has agreed to allow MVPJ to share the following reflections about her parents, which she sent to friends and co-workers for peace a few days ago.

A TRIBUTE TO MY PARENTS
by Samina Faheem

I have always loved and respected my parents and they know it too. Lately I have been thinking about my childhood and how it prepared me for the journey of my life. I am the oldest of seven children and always enjoyed the royal treatment of being the first born. My parents were quite young aged 18 and 23 when they got married and started a family but the kind of home they provided for us amazes me. The love and respect they shared for each other was the foundation of our home and our lives. I always felt that our family was a single unit walking in harmony towards a common goal of loving and supporting each other. That does not mean that there were no differences of opinions or conflicts, there were many but I never saw my parents remain angry with each other for a long time. They are both good natured individuals and are able to let go of the problems. They raised us with so much care and love and they guided us towards becoming good human beings. We never realized that they were teaching us Islamic values because they did not give us long lectures about anything instead they lived their lives as role models.

A mother's lap is considered to be a child's first institute of learning and my first institute provided the best education but held high standards for its students too. I remember that during Ramadan my mom fed everyone in the morning and after wards we all went to bed but she sat down with her knitting needles and made new sweaters for the whole family. During the day she sewed our clothing, cooked meals, helped with our homework, entertained friends and relatives and managed other things. I never heard her complain about anything or heard her demand anything from my father. My father worked very hard to provide for us financially. My best childhood memories are from when we all sat around our kitchen stove and my father made Soji Halva, Gajar Ka Halva or pokorahs for all of us. Our Sunday family picnics and vacations were the best times for me. My mom made us believe that our father was a hero working hard for all of us and he always reminded us how hard she worked to make our home a happy one. They both did their share of work with joy.

All my life I felt cherished by my parents. I do not remember asking my parents for anything for two reasons - I had everything before I had to ask and I knew that they were doing more than they should. My mother believed that if you have to ask for something it takes half the joy out of it. I remember if I walked by something that was in the wrong place my mother would bring my attention to it and ask why I didn't put it back where it belonged. She would remind me that she shouldn't have to ask me to do things like that because it was my home too. That used to annoy me but now all of her teachings make sense and have come in handy throughout my life as I had to bear the sole responsibility of raising my children. Later on in life these teachings applied to my share of community work. Among many wonderful teachings of Islam my parents taught us to always seek and speak the truth, never to compromise our principals or integrity, to be loyal, to love and honor family and friends, to show respect for all human beings equally, to be responsible for our actions, to give without expectations, to speak up for the voiceless and fight against injustice, to forgive those who wrong us, and to serve Allah's creation with the best of intention without a single thought of personal gain.

Most parents work hard to raise their families just as my parents did but I believe that my parents are very fortunate to have seven children who love and respect them and have retained their teachings and are trying to live in this new world with old fashioned values. It is not easy. Most of the time I feel like a misfit.
I remember during one of my recent visits I shared these thoughts with my parents and said that they really did not prepare us to survive in this new world because by living with these values we are either considered stupid or suspected of having a hidden agenda. It seems that people cannot believe that that others can be selfless. My parents responded that they have lived their lives that way without worrying about what others have to say and advised me to just keep doing what I have been because ultimately it is the truth that shines through.

I guess my quest to be a better person will continue if for no other reason than to honor them. My parents have worked so hard and made many sacrifices to instill these values in me and this is the best way I can show my gratitude to them.

For the past three and half years my mother is courageously fighting cancer. During my last visit in July my father said to me "your mother cheated me." How so, with tears in his eyes and a mischievous smile he said "she took care of me when I was young and after getting me used to that she is getting even with me by getting ill now so I have to take care of her in my old age." My mother smiled with such contentment and joy, I felt happy for their love for each other.

For the first time in my life I had seen my mother as a dependent. I had hard time accepting her dependency to do even simple tasks. She has been a pillar of strength and independence for me. This was the hardest trip for me. Due to cataracts in both of her eyes I was unable to look into her beautiful eyes that held the kind of love and admiration for me that is hard to explain with words. I remember as a teenager I hated the fact that I felt her eyes on me whether I was at home or at a party. I would get upset with her and ask her why do you always look at me? She would smile and say that even without make up & jewelry and pulled back braids, you were the most beautiful girl there. I would laugh and say you think that because I am your daughter. To tease me further she would say "next time I will ask others at the party." Words can't explain my pain when I could not peek into those eyes. No matter how I felt she was always able to make me feel good in no time. I can't imagine a world without my parents because they are not only my parents they are my friends and my biggest fans. They have believed in me and supported me throughout my life.

I believe that my mother fought hard with this ruthless disease because she is worried about me being alone. During one of our heart to heart conversation she said " Summo, I am tired of fighting with this disease. I remained quite because I didn't have the strength to say "it is okay not to fight." She looked at me and held my hand as my tears started rolling down. She asked me to promise that I start taking care of myself and I nodded. After that we sat in silence trying to comfort each other.

We have all tried our best to love and comfort my mother during these three and a half years of uphill battle but it can not even come close to the love and support my youngest brother Ahsan, his wife Abeer, their children Arsaam and Umeed, and my father have provided. The choices they have made with joy are priceless and only Allah can reward them for that. I am forever grateful, especially to Abeer for taking care of my mother with such love and affection.

My mother has refused all treatments, is not eating and is resisting pain medication too. There never will be a day when I will not need her but I can't be selfish and bear the thought of her being in pain since she had decided to resign.

So my dear mother, please take all of my love and prayers with you and go in peace. Rest assure that I am never alone for I have my children, father, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, good friends and most importantly Allah with me at all times. In your honor we will keep loving and supporting each other.

I love you both very much and feel fortunate to be your daughter. As long as I live you will be part of my life.

Your loving and grateful daughter,
Samina Sundas

PS: These are tough times for us could you please remember my family, especially my mother in your prayers. Thanks.